The Complex Beauty of Openness During the Holidays

By an Interwoven Community Caregiver

The holidays are a time of connection and reflection, and, for many of us as adoptive, kinship, or customary caregivers, navigating the nuances of openness with our children’s families of origin. For me, it’s also a season when the complexities of our children’s stories come into sharper focus—a blend of joy and challenge, held together by love and a deep commitment to all parts of their history.

In our family, openness is not a fixed formula; it’s an evolving process. Each child has unique needs, and we do our best to listen to them and respond. Some years, openness means visits with matching pajamas or sharing photos. Other years, it’s a phone call or simply creating space to talk about their feelings. We’ve learned to hold their emotions with care, whether they’re filled with excitement, sadness, or something in between.

Showing up for our children and their families can be hard, especially during the holidays, when emotions tend to run high. There are moments of vulnerability—questions we don’t always have answers for and feelings that stretch our hearts in unexpected ways. Yet, it’s in these moments that I see the beauty of openness. It reminds me that our family’s story is one of strength and love, shaped by the courage of everyone involved.

Openness, for us, isn’t about a perfect balance or ticking boxes in some official agreement. It’s about honouring our children’s relationships and ensuring they feel whole. Sometimes, this means navigating uncomfortable conversations or being the bridge between what sometimes feels like two worlds. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it, because the greatest gift we can give our children is the assurance that all parts of their story matter.

To other adoptive, kinship, and customary caregivers, I want to say this: you are not alone. Openness is a journey, and it looks different for every family. Trust your instincts, listen to your children, and give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can, and that is enough.

This holiday season, may we all find ways to show up with love, even when it’s hard, and celebrate the beauty of the connections that make our families whole.

The opinions expressed in blogs posted reflect their author and do not represent any official stance of Adopt4Life. We respect the diversity of opinions within the adoption, kinship and customary care community and hope that these posts will stimulate meaningful conversations.