Let’s dance. That is what we do, my son and I. We dance. We dance around so many things in our lives. It is a dance learned from the extreme trauma and loss my son experienced in his early life. It is a dance I learned instinctively in what I now know to be therapeutic parenting. It is a dance for our survival, individually and together.

Today my son’s fish died, and for the first time in 5 years, after spending time in attachment therapy, learning therapeutic parenting, taking courses and hours of research, my son was able to identify his real emotions. Thanks to Mr. Fish for giving my son the opportunity to learn from this.

Adopting a child was something I'd always thought would happen at some point in my future, but I certainly never set out to adopt a child with special needs or Down syndrome, let alone as a single parent. But alas, this is my story—our story—and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Reflecting on why I do what I do—I think of my daughter. It was her experience and allowing me to share in her joy of knowing that she isn’t the only one, that I now get it; Adopt4Life is for our children as much as it is for us parents. Adopt4Life is about community! This is my why!

Adopt4Life isn’t just an organization, it isn’t just a group of families trying to support one another through access to resources, advocacy and support. Its about belonging, acceptance. Its about giving, and receiving. Its knowing where to go when you are having a hard time, and sharing in a success that only a certain few would really get. It’s having someone on the other end of the phone who truly gets it, and who can not only help you though it, but go though it with you

This our Adoption Journey and our perspectives only. Being Adoptive Parents has been the most challenging and rewarding experience in our lives, we wouldn’t trade it for the world. We just pray that we do right by our children who we love very much and pray they grow up to be wonderful amazing people, as the wonderful amazing children they are!

Our intention was to grow our family by 1 or 2, when in actuality it has grown by at least 100 or more... it truly does take a community, for us as parents and in turn our children benefit as well. I know sometimes it is human nature.

Adopt4Life provides essential resources and support for adoptive families across the province and it is very rewarding to be able to help others with their adoption journey. My role as a Regional Parent Liaison in Toronto also allows me to regularly learn about new local resources and supports that may not only benefit the Adopt4Life community, but also myself and my family.

In honour of the Adopt4Life FASD Campaign, I decided to ask my daughter some questions about FASD so we can have a voice of a youth.

A brief history of the development of the Fetal Alcohol Resource Program (FARP).

Four stories about the importance of Peer Support Groups.

I remember sitting there around a table full of professionals, all staring at me, quiet and empathetic. Out of the silence I was asked, “How do you feel?” and my answer… I felt heard.

My thoughts and feelings about FASD basically can be summed up like this: recall the saying, “a person who wears many hats”—well that's how my son appears.

A letter to my dear son living with FASD.

So that is the truth from the trenches… and where I am at on this journey with advocating. This is a tough journey… really only understood by those living it day in and day out. I hope that maybe, just maybe by next September, we will see communities and agencies planning events for families and really helping families celebrate how AMAZING they are!

Although the diagnosis caused me to experience deep feelings of grief and sadness, along with fear and trepidation, the diagnosis also brought me great relief. I finally understood the why of so many issues we have faced over the years.

We both shared the experience of attachment that occurs during feeding, and our daughter could connect closely with both of us as she came to view us both as people who could be depended on to care for and comfort her when she needs it most.

The beauty is in a mother’s desire to give her baby the best she can give, and that goes way beyond the ways we choose to feed our babies.

Leading up to World Breastfeeding Week 2018, Adopt4Life had the pleasure and privilege of speaking with Alyssa Schnell, MS, IBCLC, author of Breastfeeding Without Birthing: A Breastfeeding Guide for Mothers Through Adoption, Surrogacy, and Other Special Circumstances and co-host of the Breastfeeding Outside the Box podcast. We could not be more thrilled to share the blog she wrote for Ontario’s Adoptive Parent Community on ‘Debunking Common Myths about Adoptive Breastfeeding’ in support of Adopt4Life’s World Breastfeeding Week Awareness campaign.

My advice to mother’s to be, both adoptive and biological, if I may, is to embrace who you are, just as you are and to put the Breastfeeding debate aside, choose what is right for you and for your infant. Choose to nourish your child(ren) with love, laughter and light, as you breast or bottle feed and I can attest to the fact that will be just fine!